Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Randomize
