So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
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