wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Randomize