I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Randomize
