GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Randomize
