If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
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