Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
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