oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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