A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
I CAN MOONWALK!
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
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