I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
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