i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
