I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
