The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
