You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
