Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
She even gives head with a lisp.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
I need mimosas to revive my soul
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
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