I got chris browned last night
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
