Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
