If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
