Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
Randomize
