There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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