That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
