I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Randomize
