Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
the day after is always just damage control
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
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