2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
