Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
Princesses don't give blow jobs
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
