Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize