sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
another moral hangover. fuck.
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
