you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
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