All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
