And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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