you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
