remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
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