You're earring is so big in my mouth
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Also, beer. Big fan.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Randomize
