She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize
