The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Randomize
