i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
