Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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