He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
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