Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Randomize
