Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Randomize
