I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
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