I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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