Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
