I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
Randomize
