New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Randomize
