He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
I checked into jail on foursquare
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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