She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
