I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
