she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Randomize