Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Randomize