Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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