What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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