Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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