i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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