I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize
