For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
