in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
