I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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