I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Randomize