and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
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