I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
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