She is in my trunk
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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