You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
