I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
