How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
