The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
of course. lets lasso hookers.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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