i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
