I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Randomize
