im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Randomize
